devajai_om

devajai_om @ 2008-10-03T16:38:00

2008-10-03T21:43:21Z

Dudeee. Totally haven't updated in like a month and a half.
All thats been us pretty much is work and trying to live a little life.
New people are have come into my life and old people have found their way back in and I am thankful for every friend I have.
Ummmmm19 days til I am 19!
excitementtt.
So thats about it, can't really update a whole month and a half's worth, I could if I tried but I don't have the patience at the moment and I wouldn't know where to begin.. so if you are wondering what I did the past month and a half, its a little something I like to call living. Not to hard, not to easy, stress here and there, a little pain, a fair amount of love, good times, and great times and "oh shit" moments. So its been a little of everything. Amen to living.

devajai_om @ 2008-08-15T00:30:00

2008-08-15T05:30:05Z

My computer is on the fritz so I haven't been able to get online a whole lot.
But things are okay right now. Work is cool, I'm enjoying it alright. I love who I work with and I think that makes a huge difference.
Things are okay. I will update soon.

devajai_om @ 2008-07-28T04:06:00

2008-07-28T09:06:36Z

I hate Bladder Infections.
I can't sleep.
I can't relax.
I can't.
And it hurts.
And its what I get left with after you fucked me over.

Awesome.

devajai_om @ 2008-07-26T00:56:00

2008-07-26T06:11:31Z

I want a boy to be in my life that will treat me right and make me feel the way I know I am supposed to feel. Who doesn't fuck me over. Who wants to be with me every waking second. Who wants to grow with me through life and learn together, even if its not forever. I need a good relationship and maybe I will realize that I am good enough for one because I honestly have never thought I was. I am hurting inside and its breaking me up.

devajai_om @ 2008-07-26T00:35:00

2008-07-26T05:34:28Z

wow.
FUCK THAT.

devajai_om @ 2008-07-25T23:49:00

2008-07-26T05:04:48Z

Uh what!?
If I am on to you like I think I am I need to seriously rethink my future and become a detective.
Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.

Oh, no, no you cant disguise.

devajai_om @ 2008-07-21T15:31:00

2008-07-21T20:34:03Z

It is okay to live my life a different way.
It is okay to not do what they say.
It is okay if I change day to day.
It is okay.
I am going to go my own way.

Peace.

devajai_om @ 2008-07-19T17:33:00

2008-07-19T22:47:45Z

I suck at keeping promises to Livejournal. lol.
Stufffffff is pretty good. I will know Monday if i get this job at Starbucks. FInally.
I have seriously been thinking about going to Cosmetology School. Hair and make-up and beauty have always been something I have loved and been good at doing. So I think, why not? They make good money and its something I know I will love doing. It is creative and the type of job I can see myself doing.
Basically I need to talk to my parents about this, and I may have figured out my best route.
I need to get this job at da Starbucks, work at it for a while, make some money and then go to school.
Then I can start at Aveda or Paul Mitchell and get all that under my belt.
Then I can work at a salon and if I want to, eventually go to college while working and get a degree in something else like psychology, writing, theatre, music, etc.
I feel like this is a pretty good plan for the next 6 to 8 years of my life. Because growing up is scary and I need to have a solid plan like this that still gives me freedom.

Oh yeah, so I had a bangin' partay the other night. Wednesday the 16th to be exact. It was pretty sweet, everyone seemed to be having fun.
Then the day before was when Joey, Aaryn and I went uptown to magazine and got Bubble tea and did a Buffalo Exchange. ha
After that we went to the Hookah Cafe on Frenchmen and had Hummus and hookah with David.
So that is pretty much whats been going on.
Oh, and I saw my mom. And reestablished some friendships. And got this certain someone that I am falling in love with back in my life.
If this whole 8 year plan thing runs smoothly, life will be pretty damn good.

devajai_om @ 2008-06-26T01:14:00

2008-06-26T06:14:02Z

I felt like posting these again.

Danielle Herrmann
October 16, 2007
English IV AP

A Place.

There is a place. Not too far from almost everyone’s mind that lives around here. This place is place of sanction and self- discovery for me. Most people take this long stretch of scenic street for granted. Missing it’s huge, overgrown, oak trees, hanging beautifully over the well cut grass. Or its subtle wind that creates a bit of ease when you step out of your car in this hot southern weather. Or the fact that whoever is down there, whether they are jogging, walking a dog, or reading a book, they are there for a reason of their own, other then the activity. It is a place to think, to discover, to feel, to perceive life.
I call this place the lakefront. It holds many memories for me. I have spent many days there, with friends and with myself. Whenever I have a few moments to spare, I am always drawn to the town’s edge where land meets water. Most of the time I sit in my car, listening to music, just observing the people walking by. Lyrics that hum out of my car speakers seem much more intense and dramatic while I am over looking this place. I feel connected with every person while I am in it’s presence.
    I have a certain spot there, if I am not sitting in my vehicle. The spot is by the playground and docks. You walk down to the cul-de-sac and follow the sidewalk until the sidewalk turns into a narrow, cement, wave breaker. Or, at least I think that is what those things are called. I normally call it the pier. It is wider then all the other wave breakers, so I consider it special. It is a short walk out to the end of it, and from that point, you can see everything you could ever want to see about the brilliance of the lakefront. I have been there at sunrise, sunset, midnight, morning, and afternoon. I have been there in the summer, fall, winter, spring. I have been there when it is pouring rain and when the blazing Louisiana sun is beaming over the lake. I often bring my journal down to the end of it with me. I write. And I guarantee, sitting out there for maybe fifteen minutes, in the middle of the water, at the edge of this pier, away from civilization, is the best fifteen minutes of writing you will ever have. I have felt many emotions there. A few significant times stand out, but one time in particular stand outs even farther then the pier itself.
    The first time that this place felt like home was a day I felt that I really made a connection with a friend. It was probably around March or April of this past year. I left from his house, I had sort of told him where I was going. I needed to think. He had hinted that he may come see me in a little while. So then I left and headed to my pier. I notice it is starting to drizzle. I walk out on the pier anyway. I had left all means of communication in the car, I didn’t feel like being bothered by technology on a day like this. I noticed how absolutely amazing the sky was. It is raining with the clouds still letting the sun watch. I walk to the very end, and stand with my toes over the edge. I look up at this magnificent sight. Then I turn around, so that I am looking straight down the pier. I notice, that one side of the pier’s water is choppy, and the other side is calm. Revalation. Life. One side is raging with anger and a hope for serenity in its wild thrash, the other side is quiet, motionless, but with enough movement to still be breathing. I was in the middle of this. At this time in my life, this is how I felt. Torn between two hard feelings; just like all young adults go through at seventeen. I turn back around. I hope he will come. I watch the sky again, standing perfectly still. I fall into a trance. I think I actually found “peace”. I cannot even remember how long I was standing there, time kept going, but I was lost in translation between the water and sky. I couldn’t take my eyes off the sky even if I wanted to. I am going to say a long half an hour move past me as I stood.. I had remembered about the boy saying he might come see me. I figured, he would know where I am, even though I didn’t specify exactly where I was going. But we were the male/female equivalence of each other. We were the same. I envisioned him running down the pier coming for me, ecstatic that he found me, in this vast place. I thought so long an hard about this that I could feel his breath on the nape of my neck, I could hear his breathing tickling the little hairs on my ear. All this, while I was still in this sort of tranquil trance. And when I least expect it, a hand is laid on my damp shoulder.
    He had found me. I turn around. He had found me. His smile caught me, and it enclosed me like a fence so I couldn’t move a muscle. We had both talked about how crazy it was that he found me, out of all the places I could be. This now became our spot. I told him about the two sides of the pier, the angry and the quiet. He agreed with what I saw in the water. We then talked about how small we felt, with this body of water surrounding us, looking ready to swallow us whole. We both turned, to face the the west side the water, and screamed to the top of our lungs, just to feel safe. To scare away the monster of the water. We felt alive. We felt infinite. We turned facing each other, now, soaked by the drizzle that had accumulated on our hair and clothes. We embraced; it was a long connection. We were connected. We breathed in together, and breathed out together. We felt unison. Just like when the sky finally meets the horizon of the water. We felt at peace in the middle of that immeasurable body of liquid.
    At this moment, I felt exactly how surreal life can get. A boy can find a girl without knowing where she is; they can share a connection, they can understand the world a little better with being able to look at it from a different perspective. Almost like the perspective of God. Its like the pier wasn’t even there. We were in the position of God, walking on water, looking at what He created, at what we live in. And realizing the world isn’t half bad. Its times like these where we understand what life was created for. Its moments like this. We see the world, we are put into a dream, and then someone is there that wants to the feel the same too. We both left with a little more passion in our eyes.
    I learned so much that day, even though it took a lot to recall exactly what happened. It was one of those days you will always remember, but will always be a blur. You will never again feel the way you do in those types of precious moments. Being alone, then being connected. Being alive.
Alive.

This is another essay deal I had to write for English, it is part of our college essay work. This prompt is one colleges actually use.
The prompt was, " You have just completed your 300-page autobiography. Please submit page 217."
And so I did.

and I was exhausted. But he was there, to drive me around while I tried to regain some strength from working on the film all that day. It was so tiring, even though I was just an extra that pretty much sat around all day. I was so grateful he was with me. After we went and ate we started to drive back and I practically fall asleep in the car from my long day. He tries not to stop too abruptly, he didn’t want to wake me if I was sleeping. We arrive back to my car, and we park, next to trailers that directors were in, maybe working on a new angle, before they laid to rest. We are quiet, and he gets his guitar out of the backseat of his car. I then asked what he was doing wonderingly. His reply was," Oh, nothing."
He rolls down his window so the neck of the guitar can extend out into the night air, and he plays the first chord. God, I knew it. I was so overwhelmed, that its o I couldn't bring myself to tears. This was far beyond that. He plays, and sings, it is our song. I couldn't believe how perfect a moment could be. But, what was I thinking? Anything is perfect with him. We then sit, I watch the minutes on the clock pass by while I am trying to collect all the feeling and emotion that was floating around in that car. This whole night was a dream. Everything was a dream. We then step out of his vehicle so I can get home before it’s too late, but we both know neither of us want to leave. We stand between our two vehicles, seconds go on like centuries. I scuff my shoe on the dry dusty ground of that field, looking down. I looked quite calm but inside I was bursting with passion. He stole my heart with what he had just done.
Once again, we embrace and reach only something him and I together will only be able to reach. We do this sort of thing a lot. This time, I couldn’t tell who's heart was beating. Who’s heart was about to explode out of their chest with excitement, nervousness. It had to have been both of us, overwhelmed with the mood that was capturing us in this very moment. We were one.
We were one and my heart is racing faster than I can breathe. We slowly come out of our hold, slower then I ever imagined. A million things were running through my mind, what was going to happen next?
Ah, a release from all of those stomach turning, heart pounding, and mind penetrating thoughts. He kissed me. All day I had been a small role in a film. But that night was different, I was the leading role in my own film. Suspense, Climax, Resolution. It all lead up to a perfect moment. And I live for those. The next day I woke up and headed back to (see page 218).

And while looking for these two items I found something else I wrote. It is interesting, and I don't remember writing it. But I do believe I was meaning for it to be a part of a book.

The porch, freshly built with the perfect area in the corner for long talks that require a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other. Perfect dusk weather and the front door open with a surround sound floating through the tiny squares of the screen door. The deep bass lines are filtered through the screen. This is when he returned. He sits on the floor facing her and the door. He leans against the banister watching her like he always does. He could have chosen to sit next to her in a chair but he was never much of a conventionalist. She is sitting in the chair, flicking a cigarette in the ash tray, talking to him. She updates him on every facet of her life that he has missed the past three years. She is perfectly honest, not looking him while she talks. Her journeys and new found addictions surprise him. The ash tray is full of butts and cash and the wind sends the flakes down the porch. She can tell he is crying inside. She quickly asks him to forgive her, and let her be. He agrees, because he cannot live without her. He knows they are completely different in new perspectives. She changes the subject and asks if he will come inside with her and make music like they used to. She stands as he does and she moves toward the banister and rests her elbows on the oak or pine or whatever the railing is made of. She looks at the sparse grass below and her entire life with him flashes past. She can feel him staring at her. She realizes how much more he will have to accept of her. Her addictions, her new thoughts. She now knows how much she has kept from him. The smoke moving from her lungs to her mouth then out into the overcast air. She knows he is watching all of this happen. Finishing the cigarette she flicks it and looks to her left where he is standing. She looks past him but can see him out of her side vision. His stare makes her breathe deeper. She finally looks at him and there is a lock between his eyes and her. Those eye tell everything for her. She looks down not able to stare at him for that long. He leans in and kisses her forehead. She smiles and looks up as he tells her its time to go inside. She knows things may never be the same, knowing that everything has changed for both of them.

devajai_om @ 2008-06-26T00:42:00

2008-06-26T05:51:52Z

WOOOOO job at Starbucks! Hopefully. I need it bad. I have an interview on Saturday at 2:30. Can't Forget!

Now... I think I need to do this.

I, Danielle Elizabeth Herrmann, solemnly swear that I will post an entry in this journal that I have created, at least every other day. Documenting my life through this so that I can go back and remember things I can't remember, vent on struggles and challenges, post funny times and epic moments and all the love, peace, and memories in between. I, Danielle Elizabeth Herrmann, realize that I am only hurting myself by not posting and I will suffer the consequences when I can't remember a date of an event or a moment I want to reminisce upon.

X Danielle Elizabeth Herrmann
Date: June 26, 2008

devajai_om @ 2008-06-26T00:27:00

2008-06-26T05:41:55Z

RECAP:
Monday Before Last ( June 16, 2008)-
Brandon. I saw him for the first time since August 1, 2007. Cafe Du Monde. What a surprise. I almost fell to the ground when I saw him through the window. Knees weak I open the door and walk clear across the room, each step my legs turn to jelly a little more. He sees me and until Jordan told me I didn't realize how red his face was. Blushing. The smile he gave me was so sincere and genuine. Like him. We made plans for the next day, our original first day of seeing each other while he was in town. He hung on my every word, I could tell in his face. The most emotion I have felt in a long time.
The Next Day, Tuesday ( June 17, 2008)-
I pick him up and we go to Starbucks. We talk, small breaks between conversation because we don't know where to start or finish because Time has taken us out of each others everyday lives. But we still hold onto a year ago when things were right. We have grown so much in the past year but we remain the same Danielle and Brandon as we always will. He then wants to drive my car and we go the Madisonville Docks. Beautiful. Then to sunset point, but the sunset wasn't much. Then to the pier. I haven't been there since that one day. With him at least. I think I haven't. We finally broke through the wall that had been keeping us from something, that's when we can to the conclusion about Time. I bring him back to where he was staying, and I embrace him, and breathe simultaneously. And hold him. Smell him. I remember. We let go and he turns to go back into the house. I sit in my car and grab his hand through the window and let him know I can't let go. We slowly pull away and I watch him walk away. If I remember correctly, he did look back.

I miss him. So much. But we are in our own lives now and if it is meant, then we will find each other one day, and have each other again and be exactly like it was a year ago. There was so much I wanted to say to him, so much I wanted to hear from his mouth. I think that is what makes me miss him more.

Let me know if you read this, Brandon.

devajai_om @ 2008-06-16T03:09:00

2008-06-16T08:14:26Z

Seeing Jim Carrey in person is awesome. I worked on a movie today in Chalmette, Louisiana. Weird I know. All I had to do was sit. But it was still an experience. He had an aura around him when he walked into the room. He really loves what he does. I can't wait to see him in his old age as an actor. The movie is called I Love You Phillip Morris. Look it up.
Then after a long journey back from Chalmette I hung with Erika and Aaryn. Good times at Waffle House.
Jordan is on her way home! YAY!
And Brandon is in town. And it makes me nervous, and happy, and sad, and anxious because I see him Tuesday and I cannot even begin to predict how that is going to be. I hope it goes the way I would like it.

I am going to make it one day.

devajai_om @ 2008-06-14T12:06:00

2008-06-14T17:10:27Z

Tomorrow: I'm going to be in the film I Love You Philip Morris as an extra. There is a possibility of me meeting Jim Carrey, Ewan McGregor, and Leslie Mann along with a few others.
I'm Stoked.
Monday: Jordan comes into town. Major fun fest. I can't wait.
Tuesday: Brandon. It's my day with him. I haven't seen him in almost a year. I miss him and I am freaking out on the inside every second I think about seeing him again. I am overwhelmed.
Wednesday: Renee & Jordan. YESSSSSSSS.
Then, I am free.
Today: Aaryn's. Hangout.

Things are pretty good right now. Just really need a job. I can't be a starving actress right now lol.

devajai_om @ 2008-06-11T16:11:00

2008-06-11T21:11:39Z

bbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeee.
now.
1
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...........................
I feel stressed for some reason.

devajai_om @ 2008-06-05T11:29:00

2008-06-05T16:32:46Z

Wow. Summer is most definitely in full swing. I graduated highschool on May 10, 2008. What a glorious feeling.
My days have been filled with friends and I doing random things.
I need a summer job so I can make some cash.

And today is someone's birthday; and they are very special to me and my heart.
Happy Birthday dear.

I promise to update this thing more.

devajai_om @ 2008-05-08T23:09:00

2008-05-09T04:10:19Z

Exams are over. Graduation practice is in full swing and tears came from everyone's eyes at the Spring Concert for Choir. I graduate saturday. I need to keep up with this thing.

devajai_om @ 2008-04-29T23:02:00

2008-04-30T04:06:30Z

Definitely. There is always a way to tweak things to fit into place perfectly. You work so hard to fit. If it blows, then its done. It a whole new thing. You are in a whole new place and five hundred more tweaks are thrown at you just to get back were you were going to start. Life is a tweak. A beat in time. The Earth is just a neuron ball the planets are liquid solids and the the universe is one huge sweeping mass of electro swish.

devajai_om @ 2008-04-28T21:45:00

2008-04-29T02:45:13Z

What? You're joking. Sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn't and things just don't work out all natural like you want it. Life isn't what its all choked up to because things happen and things change and their is another way you could bring yourself.
Change is okay. Fear is painful. What? You're joking.

devajai_om @ 2008-04-09T21:33:00

2008-04-10T02:33:19Z

Stomach is a little bland. Ears trembling with low throbbing bass beats. It pulsates when you listen closely.
Perfect relaxed position is found. Maybe more will be found later.

devajai_om @ 2008-04-07T21:48:00

2008-04-08T02:53:27Z

This past weekend I attended my first funeral. My great aunt on my father's side past away. I didn't know her that well but I think the fact of my father thinking about his parents, who are both still alive, dying is a sad thing. I think I get my emotional side from my father. The service was held at a Catholic church which I am not used to. After, we went to the grave site. I saw my great grandparents grave.

Sunday I saw my mother for the first time in over a year. She is beautiful, in more ways than one. She preaches, and witnesses, and lives for Him. I am missing that part of my life.

I spoke to someone tonight that changes everything. He gives me strength, and understands what no one else will. I needed him after this emotionally charged weekend. Thank you for being there for me my love.

Life is better.

devajai_om @ 2008-04-06T22:14:00

2008-04-07T03:13:35Z

New Beginning.

Starting tomorrow.